Tired.

You used to tell me, the only time you'll be nice is if im your friend. And i secretly wish i am.

Time

We're like a moving time bomb; waiting to explode anytime.

Everyday I stand by the phone and wait for that particular phone call.

All ready to share my day with you, but sometimes that call never came.

You used to tell me that I had no time for you. And i tried, really hard; to find that time for you.

But I guess, you just can't keep up. Never ask for something you don't actually need.

You used to be my best friend. You used to be the one I'm keen in sharing my stories with.

But not anymore. You get tired listening to my stories.

Time will tell.
Time will tell...

Flipped.

When u realise how hurt i am, probably i'll be gone.
It doesn't take long to change to who you were. Maybe i was ignorant, i let those flaws hide behind the smile. We let our ego control our better selves.

I don't know. Maybe it's really time to go? We don't talk anymore.

Cold night.

Spent the night reading all the archives.
We've been through a lot. Our emotions were tested time after time, and we prevailed to hang on.

Sometimes, when times are hard, i questioned myself what is our purpose. But i guess some questions are best remained unanswered. We've survived the hardships and we're this far. In too deep to let go.

I sometimes feared for the future. Unsure of the things to come. Soon, I'll graduate, and what's next? We'll be forced to move out of the comfort area. I'll be starting a new chapter in life, a turning point in my career path. Will it somehow affect us? I really don't know.

But whatever it is, I know whatever decisions I'll make, it will be for the both of us.
I love you sweetheart.

random.

I've yet to blog about the awesome script concert.
and this is random,

I LOVE YOU JAAFAR!

Insecurities

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James

Somehow, the cracks are swelling again. I don't know it's just me or there's a real truth behind this bugging feeling. But i think you're lying about something or you're hiding some truth. Don't ask me about what, because i said hell no i know anything.

Whatever it is, stop with what ever nonsense you're doing now, because someday truth will unveil itself, just like before and it's going to turn out pretty ugly. Soon, i might just walk away and never to return. and if that's your ultimate motive, then do it now. make me walk away. because i think, i don't know you anymore...

whatever happens to no secrets?

it's a beautiful night..

... we're looking for something dumb to do
Hey Baby!
I think I wanna marry you!

you & me

Dear Jack,

Thank you for everything.
I've got to give you credit for your effort on making this relationship works.

I've never been happier & it feels just like the first time we've met.
Like before, I miss you every single time when you're not here with me.
:)

I can't wait to be done with school so that I can spend more time with you.
Praying hard that I'll get a good job so that I can save up for our future. I'm counting down to the days when I'm walking down that aisle with you.

Back then, when my brother asked me if I've thought over it on getting hitched with you, I just told him I'm clueless myself. But if he were to ask me again now, I'm pretty confident with my decision. Applying for that home was my biggest decision ever, and I'm not regretting any of it.

Waiting for you to pop the question! :) And oh, if you're proposing to me, can you do it in a romantic scene? I've never had one, and I would to have one! Please?

I love you babe.

Yours truly,
Your girlfriend.

you're everyone's bestfriend...

except to your own girlfriend.

Anna here, Anna there. Why don't you for once, channel those enthusiasm to your own girlfriend instead?

Have you ever paid enough attention to her feelings?
NO.

Have you ever ask yourself if she's doing ok?
NO.

Do you really think i love schooling and not spent time with you? NO again Jack.
But i have no choice. Because i paid a hell lot of money for this education, and the only thing I can do is to finish it.

Do you know why i cry everyday, not having that strength to feel happy with what I have now? Because i want to get married to you, and that's far from possible. I know, I can never save enough, because all i do is pay for my car and school loan. and that sucks.

SO ARE YOU HAPPY NOW JACK!? ARE YOU, REALLY!?
because, i'm nothing but a whore. god, i fucking hate you now.
because while you are out there giving other girls words of approval and encouragement on their dreams, you turn to me and make me feel like a piece of shit.

perfection.

all the happiness are short-lived.

when you think there are sunshine after the rain, there is. but that doesn't mean it won't rain again. the rain poured heavier than before. and the next thing you know, you're drenched in tears of regretting the things you didn't do when you should and the things you shouldn't say when you say.

you go through a great mile to save a relationship that's torn and when it's all fixed, you spent the next few months looking at the stitches and start questioning yourself how it got there. that's when u finally realized, it was never fixed.

people always resent everything to fate. but truth is, it's just another word to be used as an excuse to heal a broken heart.

when u gave me that blue roses, it came along with a card. a card that carries a lot of hope. that's the reason why i gave us another chance. but you kept the thorns with you, and stabbed that bubble of hope i had today. just a day ago, i was gushing about how great things were. how it felt like the first time we met. but today, i'm back to where i was. feeling broken all over again.

i'm not perfect. and i'm not even near perfection, but i tried my best to be perfect in your eyes. but i guess, i can never be that girl.

whatever happened to you & me against the world?
i guess it's never forever & ever babe.