im still broken. If only you knew..

They say a few drinks will help you to forget her
But after one too many I know that I'm never
Only they can see where this is gonna end
But they all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense

i hope she's worth it. i will always love you.

you crushed me thrice, but i will still catch the grenade for ya.

Download:

FLVMP43GP

moving forward.

we will never find the perfect one. we create the perfect one by accepting their imperfections.

tgif.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
-Victor Frankl

thank god it's friday!
i want to sleep through my weekends, and wake up to a better weekday.
skip the monday blues!

one tough week. and it got even tougher when my pillar of strength is weakening.
i guess at one point of time, you just have to learn to walk on your two feet no matter how crippled you are. the journey is slow and painful, but once you've reached your destination, it's all worth it.

and it's because, i did it all by myself.

shitty week.

feel like fuck.
and you're not even there.

you have time to do other things, but you can't even spare a minute of your time for me.
and when i take the initiative to do the calling, you got pissed off cause i disrupt 1 minute of your sleep.

selfish.
you know what, i shouldn't even be bothered. like you said, i have so much on my plate. why do i need to get affected for the things that you didn't do, right? why should i even bother checking on how you're doing when i'm the last thing that's on your mind.

im whiny. im naggy.
bla bla bla.

STFU.

LIKE ENOUGH ALREADY.

people will never understand what i go through because they are not in my shoes. for once, stop being judgemental over what you see with your naked eyes. because when it come to life choices, what you see is not necessary what you think. it involves emotional tortures and sometimes family ties too.

yes, how i did it was wrong. but have you ever questioned yourself, why i did the wrong? friends are friends, but be logical please. im sick and tired of explaining myself, which i shouldn't in the first place. im not pathetic like him, sticking his ass in people's face just to prove himself right. well, smart people would have guessed why the decision is made.

well, at least im thankful, for the people who stayed with me during the difficult times. true friends doesn't necessarily be someone whom you would hangout everyday, they are those who offered their shoulder to cry on when i needed most. and yes, you suck. au revoir.

that last breathe.

what's the point anyway?
at the end of the day, i still feel like shit.



and you don't really care.

my craving is making me thirsty.

I WANT QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE.
now.

im going crazy. just thinking of it.

trivial matters.

True friends will not judge us on the predicament that we have found ourselves however much we are to blame.

who are we to judge? it's not within our jurisdiction to say who's in the right or wrong. stop aggravating the situation by posting it online. is it worth it to lose a friendship over such trivial matter?

define true friends then.
and no, i don't take sides.

lonely planet

2 DAYS OF HELL.
it's not fun at all. i was in the granny's world. whining ones.
i was crying in pain. literally.

sometimes i ever wonder, if i were to pass one day and leave this world, will it still be my fault? will they ever resent to fate? to think that we share the same bloodline, it hurts. words is the sharpest tool and it kills. beware people.

ouch.

love is a strong word.

you never cease to amaze me :)

you're too young.

happy 17th birthday jack.

you're so lucky having a cute girlfriend constantly reminding you how young you are :)
love you schlomo!

sleepless night.

my chest hurts like fuck.
and it hurts real bad.

katy perry said;

you're hot then you're cold.

saturday morning.

this is random.
but i just feel like saying...

i love you jack.
very very much.

thank you for being you.
thank you for making me cry, smile and laugh all at the same time.

:)
i will love you tomorrow.
p/s : will you love me in the morning?

shaving the sheeps.

im falling asleep.
every 3 seconds, i see many sheeps jumping over the fence.
hang in there sheeps. im going to play with all of you once i break fast in the evening.

i swear im going to sleep like a beauty tonight.
can't freaking wait to be home!!

p/s: will you count the sheeps with me tonight?

this is music.

Classic.

"When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust. Without trust, there can be no love. Jealousy, yes, jealousy will drive you mad. "

- Moulin Rouge!

Iphone craze

Hoho. Blogged through my iPhone.
:)

hello monday.

i had an awesome weekend.

Aside from getting my un-jailbreakable iphone, we had the weekends all to ourselves.
thank you dear for spending your time with me and agreeing to have dinner with my friends (though i know your primary intention was to see her tong-tongs).

to top that, this is the first time i saw you snapped. and boy i was frightened. i couldn't stop sobbing cause i was so scared and also, i wanted to share those nice messages with you but you threw the phone back to me instead. that's very mean of you!!

but despite all that, i love you still, big time!
:) :) :)
see i have a lot of smileys, cause im that happy!
can't wait for our weekend retreat!



p/s : will you still love me tomorrow?

i've got my mojo back.

WTH!

I PASSED MY PAPERS.
i can't freaking believe it.

i should get a reward for studying too hard.
:)

aching head.

this is preposterous.
i am so exhausted but these eyes won't shut.

every night it's the same old thing. can this stop already?!
i'm really tired. i wish my mind would give itself some rest. this is why i hate being awake or alone. i have a habit of thinking too much. way too much.

the everyday routine goes like this:

it starts with, what if.. or why..
it continues with, why.. or what if..
and it will end with, falling asleep or wide awake with frustration.

this is so not healthy. i need help.
how i wish bill gates will come up with a technology to erase memories or reformat the brain, since he is so fucking smart. and not to mention rich.

secrets.

enough said. im really addicted to this song.
and this guys are pretty amazing compared to other covers.

my sleeves are stained red.

"My god, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars"

you are too kind.

thank you bf for coming all the way here with the pills.
and thank you for bringing me the good news! da baik da demam. :)

HO HO HO! HO-NG KONG! HONG KONG!
so looking forward to 2011!

headache.

"God will help those who help themselves."
tired. this is what happen when one doesn't know how to control their emotions.

ILU.

3 letter words, a whole new meaning.
thank you sweetheart.

you're the best gift that i could have ever asked for :)
forever & ever babe.

Ramadhan.

"Prayers carries us half way to God, fasting brings us to the door of His palace, and alms-giving procures us admission."

May Allah give us His support in this world and in the hereafter and give us strength and good health to be able to fast during the month of Ramadan.

Insya'allah.
Amin.

randomness.

back at work.
and im feeling the blues.

life couldn't get any better, could it?

this is home, truly.

NDP was fun!
eventhough i'm suffering from mild sunburn, it's worth it.
i need to shower badly, but i'm in a need for a quick fix of this:



i cried to this song. like a baby.
it's lovely, isn't it?

happy bird day xing xia pore!

brunch with bf was nice.
been a long long time since we had breakfast together.

and i'm getting ready for NDP!
i had always love NDP (and their goody bags). i may sometimes disagree with the Singapore government and their system, but ultimately, i'm proud to be a Singaporean.

STAND UP. STAND UP FOR SINGAPORE!
i love you, teeny weeny island - that i call home.

uncle yoda called, he said;

my dear niece..

Fear is the path to the dark side.

Fear leads to anger.

Anger leads to hate.

Hate leads to suffering.

yes i hear you uncle.
i will bear that in mind.

Koh Samui

looks so fucking awesome!
and best thing is, it's 30 minutes away from Koh Phangan - island of the full moon party!
my next vacation destination.

lazy sunday.

i hate when i have too much time on my hands.
i think too much and the mind lingers...
i'll get hurt all over again and i'll hurt the people around me.

just last night before sleep,
i kept asking myself, are you proud of me?

i think im going crazy but i refuse to acknowledge my pain.
i don't wish for another tomorrow. i don't want another day.
i'll sleep now, and hopefully, i'll wake up in a paradise.



sometimes i cry so hard from pleading
so sick and tired of all the needless beating

but baby when they knock you Down and out
it's where you oughta stay

rapunzel rapunzel.

I REALLY MISS MY LONG CURLS.
i hate the growing process.
better grow quick, before i have the urge of chopping it off again.

oh and i almost bought bf the wrong watch for his birthday. thank god he verified it before i made the payment. now back to the drawing board, what the hell should i get for a guy who has almost everything?

super boring saturday.

i hate it when bf is right.
i'm one person who just can't sit at home for a day.

OMG.
IM SO BORED.
and bloody hell you! why you always makes me miss you so damn bloody much.
this is too much, you monkey!

time for some butt & beaver.

sugar spice and everything nice.

today i caught myself smiling for no reason, then i realized i was thinking of you.



Happy 12 months sweetheart.
how time flies..

p/s : will you still love me tomorrow?

trueness.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

- unknown

To the special boy.

I'll stay.
if only you promised me no more secrets and hidings just like before.
things were better back then, because it's you and me against the world. we know, no matter how bad the day is, we have each other to fall back on.

i miss the breakfast. i miss the late night skypes. i miss flirting with you on emails. i miss having you to pamper me. i miss dating you. i miss being your little birdie.
and mostly, i miss your smile. that smile that never failed to brighten my day.

i love you sweetheart.
remember this? i hope we can bring this back.

To the special girl

If only I noticed the cracks forming slowly in you. If only I had shown you the color of my love to you.
If only you would stay. Then will only i be truthful & loved only you. I love you.
- Jack

forever & ever babe.

i've decided to delete all my past entries.
i don't want to be reminded of the hurtful events and neither would i want it to be blinded of my true feelings.

yes, im still hurting. but so what?
people get hurt, they pick themselves up and they move on. life is like a walking stage, no matter how screwed you are, the show must go on. this pain will heal with time.

to the two ladies, i think whatever you girls did are just so uncool.
i may have an entire repertoire of curse words to illustrate the level of frustration being felt, but i shan't waste my breathe. because that will just show that im no different.

during this difficult time, i learn one thing; forgive yourself. If you discover that your indiscretion may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but now colors your world with fear, guilt, and regret - learn from it. While your actions may have been wrong, they also may be just what you needed in order to see yourself, flaws and all, more clearly. Through all the anguish and turmoil, this is a chance to grow and strengthen yourself and your beliefs, and emerge a better and stronger person.

and if that is done, forgive your partner. be thankful that you have another day spent with him. always see it as the glass is half filled, not half empty.

when you made your promise yesterday, i kept having the thoughts of quitting.
is it really worth the pain?

and i had my answer today, yes it is.
i fell in love with you for one reason, you. and if we want to excel in this relationship, then we've got to start accepting our imperfections.

Allah is fair. we had our good times together and we may be going through a hard time now, but we have to keep reminding ourselves that if He brings us to it, He will bring us through it.

p/s : will you still love me tomorrow?

the promise.

"Dayah I promise I won't go astray anymore n only u r in my heart"

That was enough to make my day. Just so little words makes a lot of difference.
Thank you, i hope you'll hold on to that promise.